So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
