I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
