So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
