i already hear my dad disowning me
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
