Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
