woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You pole danced in your parka.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
