great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
