It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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