I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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