Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
