"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I love having hate sex.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
