i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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