I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
