if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
