I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
