Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
