you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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