Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just gargled with NyQuil
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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