remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
