if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
