So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
