last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
