I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
