Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
