is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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