why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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