Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
