True but thats because hes a fetus.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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