He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
