.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
