Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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