what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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