Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
