How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
