saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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