I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
