So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
