I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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