did you get engaged???
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
