I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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