my sisters under your porch take her home
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
