Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
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On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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