Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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