would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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