did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
