I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
