Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
