honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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