White coat. Heels.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
