my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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