i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
