Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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