I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize