Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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