I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
