I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
