didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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