We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
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Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
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I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic