I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.