I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
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susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
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He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.