So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
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He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
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The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.