How has he not realized you're pregnant?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
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Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
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But how do I turn off the feelings though?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street