I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
