Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
