would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
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Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
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I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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