My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
