I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It was confusing and full of hummus
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize